U.S. concerns about man-made climate change, formerly known as “global warming,” may need to take a back seat to a more urgent problem facing America’s lower 48 states. Dr. George W. Pequat, a world-renowned seismologist, announced the recent formation of a blue ribbon panel of scientists to investigate a new fault line developing along the Potomac River in Washington DC, which was inadvertently discovered during a routine environmental study. At first, the observation appeared to be random “data noise.” But, after further data collection and analysis, the fault line has not only been confirmed, it seems to be growing at an unprecedented rate.
The Potomac River region, specifically Washington DC, is not the only area at risk. If predictions made by state-of-the-art computer models are accurate, the majority of the continent could disappear within 10-25 years. The panel of experts agrees that the problem is unquestionably man-made and almost certainly caused by excessive “dead weight” located throughout the city. However, they note that two points along Pennsylvania Avenue seem to be contributing disproportionately to the rapid growth of the fault line. Apparently, the nation’s capitol is literally sinking and could drag the entire country with it.
A spokesman for the panel suggested that although there is still much to be learned, a quick response will ultimately be necessary to avoid a cataclysmic geological event. Consequently, a range of possible solutions is already being discussed. Following a scientific brainstorming session of elite panel members, Dr. Pequat insisted that “no solutions are off the table. We must think creatively and let the rigors of science guide us.” To demonstrate his commitment to this philosophy, Pequat continued by saying, “We must even consider such radical ideas as eliminating large portions of the ‘dead weight’ and redistributing the remainder evenly throughout the fifty states.” The next step for such a drastic proposal would certainly require enlisting federal officials to the cause so they can help make a case to the American people the need to transfer the remaining burden to the state and local level.
In an unprecedented move, Congress, the President and his cabinet, and the Supreme Court are convening together behind closed doors to consider their response.
Copyright January 14, 2010, Clancy Cross. All rights reserved.